NYC Domestic Violence Inc., is a non-profit 501(c)3 organization whose main objective is to provide information and resources to victims of intimate partner abuse and their children, we are committed to the belief that safety from violence and freedom from fear are universal rights.

NYC Domestic Violence INC. challenge the negative myths surrounding domestic violence. We also reach out to abused women and children, breaking their isolation and helping them to access life-saving support – as well as raising public awareness of domestic violence against women’s and girls.

We are here to heal, educate, and empower survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse, and to shed light into the darkness that surrounds these issues. While we understand that our vision may not be achievable in our lifetimes, we firmly believe that violence and abuse is preventable.

Founded in May 2015 as a grassroots organization NYC Domestic Violence INC. challenges social attitudes towards women and champions gender equality in its work to prevent violence in the future.

We believe that changing attitudes is not just about talk without action,and we believe it is the only way we will end domestic violence. We see our prevention work as a service in its own right.

NYC Domestic Violence is a nonprofit Owned by NYC Domestic violence Inc. and sponsored by NYCDV. Copyright © 2015/2023 NYC Domestic violence Inc. All rights reserved.

what we fight for

ending

violence

We raise awareness and improve prevention strategies.

news and announcements

About Us

We are a faith based nonprofit organization.

Recognizing the fundamental rights of all, we empower individuals and families to make real and lasting change in their lives and their communities. We are embarking on a new initiative called Make A Change" We know the power of believing there is a creator who guides us each day and show us his mercy, Making A Change is about living and doing what our creator gave us the ability to do, always keeping in mind the tenants of faith...

The Mission:

We will always Act with honor and integrity, offering our information and resources for free. Treat those we serve with dignity and respect. Help meet the needs of the individuals and family’s we serve. Demonstrate quality and excellence in every aspect of our day to day community work.

The Vision:

Is living in a world in which every person regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation or gender identity, enjoys living with-out violence or abuse. We are NYC Domestic violence (nycdv) We are advocates for all victims of violence and their families.

Introduction to DV

Violence in relationships is an issue that affects millions of people in the world. It occurs in all communities and to people of all races, religions, genders, and ages. It is important to be educated on what constitutes relationship violence, the problems associated with it, and how it can be stopped. This course will help both abusers and the abused to gain a better understanding of relationships or domestic violence, and learn how to take action against it.

What is Relationship/Domestic Violence?

In this article, we will use the terms “relationship violence,” and “domestic violence” interchangeably. They both mean the same thing in this course. Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive, controlling, or coercive behavior used by one partner to exert power or control over another in an intimate relationship.

The term “intimate relationship” refers not only to dating partnerships and marriage, but also to relationships with either biological or non-biological parents, children, siblings, and extended family members. When you hear the term “domestic violence,” physical violence is usually the first thing that comes to mind.

However, domestic violence can also be sexual, emotional, psychological, or economic. Domestic violence includes behaviors that hurt, injure, intimidate, control, threaten, manipulate, isolate, or humiliate another person. Here are some common signs and behaviors of the different types of abuse:

Physical Abuse:

• Pushing
  
• Hitting
  
• Slapping
  
• Kicking
  
• Biting
  
• Strangling/choking
  
• Burning
  
• Inappropriate physical restraint
  
• Using weapons to threaten or injure
  
• Damaging property (throwing objects, punching walls, etc.)
  
• Forcing drug/alcohol use
  
• Depriving a partner of basic needs (food, shelter, clothing, appropriate medical treatment
  

Sexual Abuse:

• Engaging in non-consensual sexual acts using physical force
  
• Manipulating or using coercion to force sexual activity
  
• Demanding sex when a partner is sick, injured, tired, or simply does not want to
  
• Calling a partner hurtful sexual names
  
• Humiliating a partner with sexual jokes
  
• Forcing a partner to perform degrading sexual acts
  
• Marital rape
  
• Forced prostitution
  
• Denying or sabotaging birth control methods
  
• Preventing or forcing an abortion
  

Emotional Abuse:

• Continuous insults and criticism
  
• Public humiliation
  
• Punishing by withholding affection
  
• Attacking a partner’s self-esteem and self-worth
  
• Not allowing a partner to make his or her own decisions
  
• Monitoring what a partner is doing and who he or she is spending time with
  
• Wrongfully blaming a partner
  
• Continually accusing a partner of cheating
  
• 
  

Economic Abuse:

• Forbidding a partner to work
  
• Withholding a partner’s access to his or her personal or shared monies
  
• Controlling all finances, both individual and shared
  
• Taking a partner’s money, either by using physical force or other manipulative means
  
• Demanding access to a partner’s money or benefit
  
• 
  

Psychological Abuse:

• Threatening physical harm to oneself, partner, children, family, or friends
  
• Isolating a partner from their friends and family
  
• Forbidding a partner to attend school or work
  
• Causing fear through intimidation
  
• Manipulation and lying
  
• Stalking or cyber-stalking
  
• Using blackmail
  
• Blaming the victim for the abuse
  

Everyone’s experience with relationship violence is different. Although abusive behavior can often leave noticeable physical effects, other times, it may not leave a trace. It can happen frequently, or only once. However, inflicting or experiencing any of these abusive behaviors can constitute an abusive relationship.

Abusive relationships all have one common feature: the abuser takes action to gain and maintain power and control over another. One reason an abuser aims to gain power and control is to fulfill his or her own emotional and/or physical needs. It is a normal inclination to want one’s needs met, but abusers go about meeting their needs in a selfish and inherently harmful manner.

Often abusers are afraid that their needs will not be met without using force or coercion, which motivates them to continue their abusive behavior. Gaining control and power over another is usually achieved through tactics such as intimidation, isolation, humiliation, and threats. These actions are reinforced when the victim complies, even momentarily, and the abuser begins engaging in a pattern of abusive behaviors to remain in power. With this power, the abuser can control an individual and either force or coerce him or her into abiding by the abuser’s wishes.

How Do You Know if You Are In an Abusive Relationship?

Most people do not enter into a relationship thinking that it will become abusive. In fact, in the beginning, the relationship may seem great, and that’s because most relationships aren’t abusive from the start. Most relationships take time to reach an abusive level of dysfunction.

Abusive behavior may originally occur in isolated incidents. The abuser may blame incidences on external factors, such as a bad day at work or increased levels of stress, or even on the victim. He/she may apologize or promise to never do it again. Another common reaction is for the abuser to downplay the event, tell the victim that he or she is overreacting, or deny the event altogether. These behaviors can increase in frequency and intensity over time

If you are wondering whether or not your partner is abusive, consider asking yourself these questions:

• Do you ever feel afraid of your partner?
  
• Do you feel like you are walking on eggshells to avoid making your partner angry?
  
• Does your partner respect when you say “no” to sexual activity the first time, or do they continue to ask?
  
• Does your partner ever coerce you into engaging in sexual activities that you don’t want to participate in?
  
• Does your partner monitor where you are, and/or what you’re doing at all times?
  
• Does your partner get jealous when you spend time with friends and family?
  
• Has your partner ever hurt you or threatened to hurt you?
  

• Does your partner blame his or her anger on external factors such as drugs, alcohol, stress, or past experiences?
  
• If you think you may be the abuser in your relationship, consider asking yourself these questions:
  
• Do you often feel as though you cannot control your anger?
  
• Do you feel the need to constantly know where your partner is, and whom they are with?
  
• Do you ever unfairly lash out at a loved one?
  
• Have you ever coerced or forced your partner to engage in sexual activity when he or she didn’t want to?
  
• Do you feel like you always have to have your way?
  
• Do you become very jealous when a partner is spending time with someone else?
  
• Have you ever hurt or threatened to hurt your partner
  

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, your relationship may be abusive. In later lessons, we will discuss what to do if you feel that you are in an abusive relationship and how to find help. Will we also discuss what to do if you feel that you may be the abuser in your relationship, and how to change these behaviors?

ANGER

Anger on its own is just an emotion not negative, not positive, but just an emotion. Like all emotions, it has its energy and its own experience that unfolds in your body. Anger affects the mind as well as the body. It may show up in your body as clenched fists or jaw, a flushed face, a racing heart; you may feel your blood is boiling, and/or that your breathing becomes faster. Everyone has experienced anger and it can range from a mild annoyance to furious rage.

It is important to note that anger in and of itself is not unhealthy. In fact, from a positive perspective, anger can work as a healthy warning system letting us know that something in our life is unbalanced, that we have been mistreated in some way, or that a need has not been met. Anger can also work as a motivator, motivating you to social action, make a tough change in your life, or confront a situation that is unhealthy for you.

On the negative side of things, anger can be expressed using hostility, aggression, and violence which can cause harm to you and/or others.

Anger is usually a reaction to a conflict, whether personal, work-related or some other unforeseen obstacle, such as a lack of communication. Take a moment and read about the basics of anger:

Expressions of Anger:

There are scores of ways of expressing anger. Generally, we associate the expression of anger with an escalation of feelings that turn into a loss of control that may include yelling, cursing, violence and aggression. This is not always the case. Anger also can be expressed internally through negative self-talk, feelings of resentment, body aches, or other forms of physical pain. It also can be just as unhealthy to stifle anger, run away from conflict, or suppress our emotions, as it is to explore and react outwardly.

In this lesson we will examine healthy and unhealthy expressions of anger. Most of these expressions are habits we have learned from childhood, from our family, and/or the reactions we have received to our expectations, needs, and beliefs. Despite common misconceptions, anger is not genetic or inherited. How you handle your anger is your responsibility — this means you are capable of changing your relationship with your experience of anger.

Some unhealthy expressions of anger include:

Sarcasm, Bullying, Excessive cynicism, Low threshold for frustration, Throwing or breaking objects, Violence, ect.

When your experience of anger is out of your control, chances are it will be expressed inappropriately.

Why Anger Management?

Unhealthy expressions of anger can negatively affect your personal life, your workplace, and your health.

Lack of anger management can result in isolation, feeling a loss of community, guilt, shame, pain, and/or fear. Relationships and other interpersonal interactions can plummet due to emotional and physical harm as a result of explosive reactions. Escalating anger, building resentment when you suppress your anger and/or avoidance of conflict, can be painful and scary.

As we know, anger has many negative consequences. We may not communicate as effectively, we may get into power struggles, and/or show disrespect to others. This all can lead to more conflict, arguments, increased stress, a loss of productivity at work, and even the loss of your job.

Anger is a bodily process as well as a psychological one. Being angry excessively, either in frequency or intensity, can cause health issues such as weakened immune system, hypertension, and/or heart disease.

People look to anger management courses for different reasons. Everyone can benefit from learning new methods of managing anger and cultivating healthy social skills. Some people are required to take anger management courses by their employers. This ensures a productive and respectful work environment. Others are required by court order. Anger is a difficult emotion to control and not all of us have learned healthy ways of dealing with it.

Throughout this lesson you will learn methods for dealing with anger productively, all the while strengthening personal relationships, self-esteem, and physical health.

Let’s Try an Exercise:

Take a moment and call to mind the Anger-as-a-person-you-know idea that you created at the beginning of this lesson. Just by calling him to mind, we are guessing that your body went through a series of micro-changes: your heart rate sped up, your pulse quickened, some muscles probably slightly tensed and the little hairs on your arms may have stood up just a little. We’ll get more into those physical changes later in the course.

We’d like to ask you to politely ask your Anger to sit on the couch and take it easy for a moment. You might even offer him a nice, imaginary glass of iced tea.

Once he’s situated on the couch (we guess that since you asked politely he went without too much fuss), try doing this:

Call to mind a place that when you think of it, you feel totally at ease. Some people choose the beach, some a forest filled with birdsong, and others choose their comfy bed on a Saturday morning with nothing to do but rest. Whatever works best for you.

Now fill in all the sensory details of that experience: When you look around, what do you see? When you listen, what do you hear? Are there smells in the air? What is the texture beneath your feet? What is the light like in the sky, or the room you’re in?

After you’ve filled in all those details, take a few moments with your eyes closed, and let yourself soak in the ease and relaxation of this place and this moment.

Did you skip any of the steps above? If you did, take a risk: go back and try to get into this. We promise you won’t be disappointed. We’ll give you a hint: by now you should have noticed either a slight or dramatic shift in your breathing and your mind.

Things have probably begun to slow down either a little or a lot.

Now notice how your body feels. Find a place in your body that feels either calm or neutral. Sometimes people feel into their heart, or their temples, or their seat, or their ankles, or even their big toe. It doesn’t matter where, just make sure it’s not a place that’s carrying any tension.

Let yourself soak up the feelings of relaxation present in that part of your body. You might even try to breathe very deeply and send your breath to that place. With your eyes closed or your gaze pointed downwards, do this for a few more moments.

Now open your eyes. How do you feel? Imagine your Anger sitting on the couch watching you do this exercise. What does he think of all this?

Now imagine being able to tap into this sense of calm the next time you become angry. Imagine being totally triggered, and then stopping yourself and bringing yourself to this relaxed, centered place. This class will teach you how to do just that.

Goals:

Before personal growth is possible, goals must be set. Take some time and set three goals for yourself, keeping in mind what you would like to achieve with this course. Think of some of your behaviors or habits you would like to change. Think of how you want your next conflict to look—do you want it resolved peacefully, where neither party gets hurt, and maybe where both parties may benefit? Maybe you want to know how to cultivate more respect and/or compassion for others.

While thinking of your goals, please keep in mind that while this lesson will help develop anger management skills, true anger management is a process that needs constant attentiveness, awareness, and the willingness to be honest with yourself.

This lesson will give you the foundation you need to start improving your relationships, your work, and your life, but it will take daily work on your part to maintain it. Along with these goals, a journal would be an extremely useful tool while you take this course. In the next few days, write down some conflicts you witness, whether they involve you or not. Observe how others react to these conflicts. If the conflict involves you, are you running away from the conflict? If it involves others, are they reacting passive-aggressively, agreeing to something they disagree with? How would you improve these situations? Try to see the conflict from both parties’ perspectives.

It’s okay if you draw a couple of blanks at this point. This exercise is meant to build awareness of others’ feelings as well as your own emotions. Emotional awareness is a big part of anger management, which we will explore in-depth in the upcoming sections.